well having this for at least a day was a total sucess because well..im back. i havent forgotten about things and i just found out a bunch of things to write about so if i ramble please holler.
I will just come cleen. I am a huge reck, a messup and a confuser. When ever i talk about things or try to explain things it always leads to MORE confushion and well whats the fun in that?
I had a dream last night that I was crying over the bathroom toilet and my belly was really huge and a guy was yelling at me ( my ex) saying this was all my fault and that we should of never fixed
things in the first place. ok … i kinda went forward a little bit and now lets go back in time. About almost 5 months ago my ex left me. I can honestly say that he is the love of my life. Well… with
the little i have lived he is. When he left me i of corce was crushed and confused and all the above. Like any girl would right? Well he came back to me… and ive never felt more scared in my life.
Also i kinda liked being single. No one to constently talk to. No one to worry about but yourself. Its pretty nice and honestly i liked the attention. I got guys coming out of nowhere trying to talk to me
Stopping what they were doing to talk to me… i never had that before. If your a girl you know about this! Attention rules! But when i realized everything… i was still alone in the end. No one to
hold. No one to say they love me or to say that they actually care. It came to me plain and simple. They werent him. So when i finally came to my sences (and hearing endless complaints from
my friends about how unhappy i was) I just came to him crying. And i havent stopped thinking about him sence … But your probibly still wondering why im scared. Well when we were together
i felt …different. After a year it went down hill. He changed and i tried to keep things up. I tried to keep my life high when gravity decided to pull me down from cloud 9 and realize something…
Why?…. But eventually we all realize things. And we all live with our lives (Ok i have a random fact about myself: I am a Christian. So if you see me talking about the Lord God all mighty then you know why)
I think God gave me an honest blessing or mabey the devil gave me a present but who knows. Mabey this is just my life. Ok back to reality …focus. When i walked into my school and made my way to the bathroom to put on my makeup that i wasn’t able to put on earlier (because sleeping in is nice) i saw my friend Christle putting on her makeup. Us being girls we gave eachother tips on makeup. When i asked her about her lips
she brought me into her past. The only reason she changed was one person she met a while ago. His name was God. I remember that was me once. Alive and awake as she is. I honestly wish
i never changed and my hype for God never went out because now im at the bottom of the food chain again. What ever happened to me? But after today.. my outlook on her,her life, and my life changed compleatly around. i need to change. just…how?