Hey everyone! I know i always say ill write and always say that ill “fo-fill this task for my followers” bla bla bla…but i’m tired of promising you guys things and not following through but I definitely apologize for not writing for a while. Here let me update you on whats been happening… i moved from my moms house to my aunts house where i work in two daycare’s with great kids…. there are definitely some times where i want to rip their heads off but that’s what a kids job is right? I have finally figured out what i want to make a career in …and that’s teaching. I’m definitely not sure what grade yet but i know i’m starting out with baby steps and i want to become a pre school teacher. Pre school teachers out here only need about 12 college credits but college isn’t in my book for this semester. My mom refused to give me my transcripts and when i finally got a hold of them it was too late to sign up. Everyone is telling me i should at least try and see what i can get but …something in me is just broken. That’s all i feel now is broken. My life has changed so much for the good and the bad I just don’t feel like fighting anymore. I just want to feel whole again. On top of that i haven’t seen Dominic in almost a year. In September it’ll be one year and just… not seeing him for that long just … hurts. I’ve never hurt so much from missing someone in such a long time. The time we have been apart it really makes a person think though and its like what people say “distance makes the heart grow stronger or …fonder or…whatever it says. But hopefully ill be able to see him soon because we want to surprise his family and basically just show up as a surprise. We have planned trips before and either i don’t have the money or he has training or something comes up as the time progressed and the then…bam. Its gone in a flash. Sometimes when i sit here by myself as i am right now i just wish this was our house. I wish i was sitting at our kitchen table… in our kitchen…writing on my blog telling everyone how fantastic my life is and how happy i am. But sadly…life doesn’t work that way and i’m stuck here…alone…. In my aunts house… sitting at her kitchen table…talking about how much my life sucks. Sometimes when i’m home alone i just like to play pretend and just clean like if he was coming home or cook like he was coming home to me. It definitely makes the days go faster but it shadders my heart knowing that its not going to happen. I know on my last post it was almost a year ago when i wrote that and to this day i still feel the same way. He is everything to me. My rock, my hero….everything. And with him being in the military i definitely have… as one would say “grown” i guess. From the many nights of wishing i wasn’t alone to the many nights of falling asleep happy because he is in my life … i wouldn’t…i couldn’t change it for the world. Lately though things have gotten serious with us. We talk about moving and getting married and stuff but… no matter how sure i am i want to be with him …i’m absolutely terrified. Everybody says that being terrified about something is a good thing and that it i guess “isn’t real” if your not but moving up here to Paso Robles was …so scary and … look at me now. I know things will work out eventually because they always do but.. waiting is so hard. All my life i have waited for everything or worked my ass off to get it. Sometimes i wish it was just that easy but as i got older i realized that its more satisfying in the long run when you actually work on something yourself or work for something yourself and you feel how much it men’t to you in the first place. That’s how i feel about this relationship.Its definitely something we work on everyday and …that moment that we finally get to see each other for so long …after the long nights of crying and feeling alone and holding ourselves because the arms we were meant to have around each other …aren’t there. Their on the other side of the united states living their own life and doing their own thing…. but out of everything …you wont give up. I have talked to many people about the subject of “love” and… honestly… to me its never been so clear. No matter how many times i explain it…i cant believe its come so easy. If you love a person… you would give them your time but you also give them your space and …you guys are OK with that. Distance can be a bitch sometimes but… in the end… no matter how far you are when the time is right you two will be together again. You become one another’s best friend… making inside jokes and laughing at the stupid things they say. You get on their nerves and you will definitely will get on theirs because… that just how it is. Love isn’t a walk in the park. There is always going to be bumps and buses and scars and black eyes and punches in the gut from everything that will happen in your guises future but at the end of the day… you look at the person and you just … cant help but smile …because even if your life is complete shit… their the one person who can make you whole again and they know it. A lot of people really mistake this luxury and privilege as lust or just pure loneliness and they swear their in love and they swear they will be with that person for the rest of their life because their so amazing but… is that really true? Can you really live with that person for the rest of your life? Can you really handle that persons flaws and mistakes and fetishes and so much more? Can you handle them being gone for such a long time…and two weeks or a day doesn’t count. Would you be able to stay sane if there is a problem you cant fix? … So many people don’t know what true love is and i know i’m only 19 but… with everything i have been through and everything i feel toward this one person…. and one person only…. I feel he can be the one… my one and that ..i know i might sound insane and i know i’m “too young to know what true love is” but… no matter how much bull shit people say… they really don’t know and refuse to understand what i have to say. I went to go visit my family just this last weekend and my grandma comes up to me and sits me down. She told me that the one you love…and the one you marry…cant just be a lover…but your best friend too… they are your better half …they pick you up when your down…you help each other out in a pinch… you have wonderful kids … you live a wonderful life… but there are always downfalls to something so great…you will fight… you will get mad …you wont always be happy…you will have stress and you would want to pull your hair out so many times its …too much to count but…in the end and long run… in sickness and in health … they are their and they have your back….and that’s all that matters in the end. After she told me all that i thought about my relationship because i added some stuff into the mix and all we could do was smile because… for once in our lives about something serious as this we were finally on the same page and we knew what we were talking about. Feeling that way with my grandma was like one of those priceless moment commercials where they just have that one moment that brought them closer together and obviously it was priceless .But no matter what goes on in my life i just want to live it. I will roll with the punches and duck under branches Indiana Jones style if i have to but i will not let it get me down. Until my next entry though i must take this to a close. Until then… thanks for taking your time to read my splurge of words on a computer screen. On my end its muchly appreciated.