hey again. Its me. Can you believe its already September and then the holidays start up again? Time has gone by so fast and…
I’m not sure how to feel about it. So much has passed through this tough amazing year where theirs too many to count anymore.
As you might know I’m going to Michigan… in about a week and a half…. A WEEK AND A HALF!!! and a family friend is having her
wedding the day before and this weekend i get to see my family for our annual “BIRTHDAY BASH WEEKEND”…. Its been a family
tradition scese before i can remember but … now that were growing older and i moved away and my cousins and sister are
starting college and just with our lives being so crazy i find it amazing how we still do these family traditions. They always bring the
best memories and one day…i hope my kids will get to experience the things i get to but … here’s the thing…. I’m not sure if my kids
will be able to. You see my plan in the future is to marry Dominic. Only problem with that is is that hes a marine. He will be dragging
us from California to Timbuktu and we don’t really have a say in it. I’m glad our kids will be able to see the world and get to experience
amazing things but… i want them to have a normal life too. Today we were talking about an apartment we we’re really interested in
and i noticed he took longer to reply… when he came back he skyped me and told me this … ” we cant move in together if we don’t
get married” … at first it came to me as a shock and it terrified me insanely, and sure we talked about it and fantasized it and did the
stupid notebook thing where we drew hearts with our names in it and his last name together… we’re in love …its kinda what you expect.
And everyone dreams of the white picket fence with the matching house and the car, dog, kids, and love of your life to go with it but when
you have that option and you have to choose between the things you want or to do whats right…. your stumped. Currently I’m in that situation
where i want to do whats right but all i want to do is be with him. I have the choice to marry the one i love or to not …. or at least
not to right now. All my life i have been dreaming of this moment with the white dress and feeling like a princess and walking down the isle
and everything… and i have that choice! Or we could just set everything up in a silly old court room with a bunch of people who hate their
jobs and wish they were home instead of marrying two teenagers who don’t have anything and don’t know what their getting themselves
into but they say they love each other and they have stuck with each other for a while and have dealt with each other but haven’t been near or
seen each other in god knows how long. I honestly don’t know what to do. This has been on my mind for days and I’m trying to wrack everything
i can in my brain to find a way to move out there and still be financially stable and not have to get married and be happy all at the same time.
I’ve come to the conclusion simply as this…. were using candles at all times so we don’t have to pay electricity and were re using our water
over and over and over again but other than that i just guess it isn’t my time yet to go out there. Maybe i have more adventures i
have to experience on my own first before i go and marry someone i haven’t even lived with yet. Maybe i have to sign up for school or
join the peace core or stop global warming before i can finally be with him. I’m not sure how I’m going to survive tho even though i have survived
this long…i just don’t know. All I’m focused on right now is next weekend where Michigan will be on my mind and ill be with him for a little
while. This trip out of many will definitely go quick but …. I need this … we need this. Just somebody…please …. i need help. Can someone
help me?