hey everybody and guess what… if you guessed that i havent posted for a quick minute then your right. ive been crazy busy with
my michigan trip and work and life in general i can barely slow down. Life has gotten the better of me and has distracted me from
whats good for me witch has happened way too much over the years of having this blog. But my trip to michigan was amazing.
I met Dominic’s family. I got to be with Dominic finally …after a year of waiting …I finally got to see him. Of course the trip wasn’t
long enough and… I’m not going to lie… I cried like a little baby realizing that the time was up. I didn’t want to go home… all I
wanted was to stay with him and hold him forever. It clearly wasn’t enough time and its been killing me sence I left. I have this
horrible craving for him… like the craving is so bad it hurts. His family accepted me and treated me like I was family right off the
bat and I haven’t felt so accepted in so long. It was nice to feel that way and absolutely heart breaking when I had to leave it behind.
After that amazing week came a very gloomy one. My grandpa’s kidneys were failing and I spent day and night by his bedside from
one hospital room to the other. Ketching very phew hours of sleep and barely eating. For the first time seeing a dead body I didn’t
react bad at all…if anything… it was one of the most peaceful things ive ever seen. Maybe because I got to say what I needed to
say and when I couldn’t take it anymore I went to Dominic for a shoulder to cry on well.. on skype at least. He tried everything he
could to be there for me even though we both know he wasn’t able to be and that means more to me than anything. Just dealing
with all that and coming back fresh from vacation took a tole on me. In a way I isolated myself and became a ” loaner” i didn’t
want to talk to anybody but Dominic and it was just a bad time for me. Now a days I just look forward to February. Thats all I talk
about now is leaving. Everyday its the first thing on my mind and my last thought before I go to bed. God only knows how unhappy
I am here. The beach lost its vibe, I have absolutly no friends and im just surrounded by negativity. Lately its like im willing to
do anything to get rid of this pain im feeling. Ill do anything! Im desperate. Dont get me wrong im greateful for everything ive been
given but … i cant do this. I want to be with him. Thats all i ever think about. Im sure i get on his nerves and all this might look
absolutly insane to look at but … this want…this ache … its not fair. What did i ever do to diserve this? What did i ever do to find
someone who is absolutly amazing and then have them taken away from me so soon and then not be able to see them for a year
and then when you finally get to see him he gets taken away from you again and yet everyone else gets to live their happy lives
worrying about other things and being upset that they dont get to see their boyfriend or girlfriend for a phew days or weeks. No one
should have to know this ache … this pain in my chest. No one diserves this and i wouldn’t wish it on anybody either. When i look
back at those pictures i took in michigan … i looked so happy. I felt so happy. For a while i literally thought i was living in a dream.
I never knew one could be so happy. Could feel so accepted and comforted and loved all at the same time. Dominic did ask me to
marry him on the trip tho and… i didn’t really know what to say. The “proposal” wasn’t exactly the whole typical”hide a ring in your
food thing” or the “make a trail of rose pettles to the bed and have a ring sitting there in the middle of roses saying ‘will you marry me’”
…it was nothing like that but honestly…. i wouldn’t have wanted it better. A lot of people have argued with me about this and i
always defend him. The ring that he gave me was his mothers. Its a huge ring really and his mom told me that it was always his
favorite. I think its one of the most beautifulest rings ive ever seen. Its covered in diamonds from the front of the gold band to the sides
and in the middle … a beautiful diamond literally the size of the nail on my pinkey…. even the little petostile for the diamond has
diamonds on it. To me its absolutly breath taking and when we were back in Michigan we got it cleaned while dominic was finding his
ring and when the woman gave it back to me…. I was speachless but i also couldn’t stop thanking her. The way the light hit it you could
see the shine and it radiated with beauty…. in that moment I looked at dominic … probably called him crazy and remembered how
lucky i was. We found him a pretty nice looking band too and …everything felt so official. Im sure the woman in the store looked at us
and thought we were crazy… we’re so young but… we know what we want. Or at least i do. I have sence the day i met him as we know
and im willing to do whatever it takes to make this happen. Ive been looking for other jobs and trying to fix my new car well… my new
to me car so id be able to make it when i go to finally see him. I wont be able to see my family for the holidays for… just about the
first time. No matter how much i want to be out in north carolina with dominic it wont over power the fact that ..i wont be able to
sit down with my family on Thanksgiving and say what im thankful for or to taste my Aunt Sandys amazing cheezy potatos or to hear
my grandpa say grace and talk about whats going over seas. And sence he found out i was dating a marine he would talk more about
the military informing my family about whats been going on with them and we hear him say a huge speech about how great they are
and how helpful they are. He’s in a way proud I have Dominic and proud i have so many friends in the military and a cousin in the navy.
When he came to this country he came as kind of …on a reasearch mission i guess you could say but here let me explain. As we all know
Switzerland wasn’t touched in the 2nd world war ( witch is where my grandpa is from) but after the war ended with them seeing distruction
it caused on other countries including great brittan they wanted to see how america held their ground and kept afloat so! They sent my
grandpa to the land of the free for research and to record everything… his parents bought him his first camera. He showed me pictures
from his adventures and his friends he made on the way and his discoverys… well he loved it so much that he decided to stay and own
a gas station where he met my grandma and well… we all know what happened after that. He’s always had and appreciation to this
country and just.. hes happy that i found someone that makes me just as happy and also supports this country…. that got him extra brownie
points. But! that was off topic! Not seeing my family for the holidays is really crushing. Our traditions at Christmas and how we decorate the
house the day after thanksgiving for Christmas and how me and my cousins and my sister all sing to the Michael Buble Christmas cd and
dance like fools around the Christmas tree. Its moments like that …that i love and live for…. and not being able to have it…. is heartbreaking.
One day …ill be able to experience that with my own family…and Dominic by my side. But for now I have to work long and hard and i need
to put my blood sweat and tears into this move. Trust me … i contributed many …many tears but… that doesn’t mean that i’m going to
stop working for what i want and for the person i love with all my heart. Everything will take time. Everything will be hard. Everything may
suck but… in the end…. its all worth it. Im just keeping my fingers crossed … That everything will go smoothly and that ill somehow
stay sane because lately …idk anything makes me crack. But ill be ok… i always am.