hey everybody and guess what… if you guessed that i havent posted for a quick minute then your right. ive been crazy busy with
my michigan trip and work and life in general i can barely slow down. Life has gotten the better of me and has distracted me from
whats good for me witch has happened way too much over the years of having this blog. But my trip to michigan was amazing.
I met Dominic’s family. I got to be with Dominic finally …after a year of waiting …I finally got to see him. Of course the trip wasn’t
long enough and… I’m not going to lie… I cried like a little baby realizing that the time was up. I didn’t want to go home… all I
wanted was to stay with him and hold him forever. It clearly wasn’t enough time and its been killing me sence I left. I have this
horrible craving for him… like the craving is so bad it hurts. His family accepted me and treated me like I was family right off the
bat and I haven’t felt so accepted in so long. It was nice to feel that way and absolutely heart breaking when I had to leave it behind.
After that amazing week came a very gloomy one. My grandpa’s kidneys were failing and I spent day and night by his bedside from
one hospital room to the other. Ketching very phew hours of sleep and barely eating. For the first time seeing a dead body I didn’t
react bad at all…if anything… it was one of the most peaceful things ive ever seen. Maybe because I got to say what I needed to
say and when I couldn’t take it anymore I went to Dominic for a shoulder to cry on well.. on skype at least. He tried everything he
could to be there for me even though we both know he wasn’t able to be and that means more to me than anything. Just dealing
with all that and coming back fresh from vacation took a tole on me. In a way I isolated myself and became a ” loaner” i didn’t
want to talk to anybody but Dominic and it was just a bad time for me. Now a days I just look forward to February. Thats all I talk
about now is leaving. Everyday its the first thing on my mind and my last thought before I go to bed. God only knows how unhappy
I am here. The beach lost its vibe, I have absolutly no friends and im just surrounded by negativity. Lately its like im willing to
do anything to get rid of this pain im feeling. Ill do anything! Im desperate. Dont get me wrong im greateful for everything ive been
given but … i cant do this. I want to be with him. Thats all i ever think about. Im sure i get on his nerves and all this might look
absolutly insane to look at but … this want…this ache … its not fair. What did i ever do to diserve this? What did i ever do to find
someone who is absolutly amazing and then have them taken away from me so soon and then not be able to see them for a year
and then when you finally get to see him he gets taken away from you again and yet everyone else gets to live their happy lives
worrying about other things and being upset that they dont get to see their boyfriend or girlfriend for a phew days or weeks. No one
should have to know this ache … this pain in my chest. No one diserves this and i wouldn’t wish it on anybody either. When i look
back at those pictures i took in michigan … i looked so happy. I felt so happy. For a while i literally thought i was living in a dream.
I never knew one could be so happy. Could feel so accepted and comforted and loved all at the same time. Dominic did ask me to
marry him on the trip tho and… i didn’t really know what to say. The “proposal” wasn’t exactly the whole typical”hide a ring in your
food thing” or the “make a trail of rose pettles to the bed and have a ring sitting there in the middle of roses saying ‘will you marry me’”
…it was nothing like that but honestly…. i wouldn’t have wanted it better. A lot of people have argued with me about this and i
always defend him. The ring that he gave me was his mothers. Its a huge ring really and his mom told me that it was always his
favorite. I think its one of the most beautifulest rings ive ever seen. Its covered in diamonds from the front of the gold band to the sides
and in the middle … a beautiful diamond literally the size of the nail on my pinkey…. even the little petostile for the diamond has
diamonds on it. To me its absolutly breath taking and when we were back in Michigan we got it cleaned while dominic was finding his
ring and when the woman gave it back to me…. I was speachless but i also couldn’t stop thanking her. The way the light hit it you could
see the shine and it radiated with beauty…. in that moment I looked at dominic … probably called him crazy and remembered how
lucky i was. We found him a pretty nice looking band too and …everything felt so official. Im sure the woman in the store looked at us
and thought we were crazy… we’re so young but… we know what we want. Or at least i do. I have sence the day i met him as we know
and im willing to do whatever it takes to make this happen. Ive been looking for other jobs and trying to fix my new car well… my new
to me car so id be able to make it when i go to finally see him. I wont be able to see my family for the holidays for… just about the
first time. No matter how much i want to be out in north carolina with dominic it wont over power the fact that ..i wont be able to
sit down with my family on Thanksgiving and say what im thankful for or to taste my Aunt Sandys amazing cheezy potatos or to hear
my grandpa say grace and talk about whats going over seas. And sence he found out i was dating a marine he would talk more about
the military informing my family about whats been going on with them and we hear him say a huge speech about how great they are
and how helpful they are. He’s in a way proud I have Dominic and proud i have so many friends in the military and a cousin in the navy.
When he came to this country he came as kind of …on a reasearch mission i guess you could say but here let me explain. As we all know
Switzerland wasn’t touched in the 2nd world war ( witch is where my grandpa is from) but after the war ended with them seeing distruction
it caused on other countries including great brittan they wanted to see how america held their ground and kept afloat so! They sent my
grandpa to the land of the free for research and to record everything… his parents bought him his first camera. He showed me pictures
from his adventures and his friends he made on the way and his discoverys… well he loved it so much that he decided to stay and own
a gas station where he met my grandma and well… we all know what happened after that. He’s always had and appreciation to this
country and just.. hes happy that i found someone that makes me just as happy and also supports this country…. that got him extra brownie
points. But! that was off topic! Not seeing my family for the holidays is really crushing. Our traditions at Christmas and how we decorate the
house the day after thanksgiving for Christmas and how me and my cousins and my sister all sing to the Michael Buble Christmas cd and
dance like fools around the Christmas tree. Its moments like that …that i love and live for…. and not being able to have it…. is heartbreaking.
One day …ill be able to experience that with my own family…and Dominic by my side. But for now I have to work long and hard and i need
to put my blood sweat and tears into this move. Trust me … i contributed many …many tears but… that doesn’t mean that i’m going to
stop working for what i want and for the person i love with all my heart. Everything will take time. Everything will be hard. Everything may
suck but… in the end…. its all worth it. Im just keeping my fingers crossed … That everything will go smoothly and that ill somehow
stay sane because lately …idk anything makes me crack. But ill be ok… i always am.

hey again. Its me. Can you believe its already September and then the holidays start up again? Time has gone by so fast and…
I’m not sure how to feel about it. So much has passed through this tough amazing year where theirs too many to count anymore.
As you might know I’m going to Michigan… in about a week and a half…. A WEEK AND A HALF!!! and a family friend is having her
wedding the day before and this weekend i get to see my family for our annual “BIRTHDAY BASH WEEKEND”…. Its been a family
tradition scese before i can remember but … now that were growing older and i moved away and my cousins and sister are
starting college and just with our lives being so crazy i find it amazing how we still do these family traditions. They always bring the
best memories and one day…i hope my kids will get to experience the things i get to but … here’s the thing…. I’m not sure if my kids
will be able to. You see my plan in the future is to marry Dominic. Only problem with that is is that hes a marine. He will be dragging
us from California to Timbuktu and we don’t really have a say in it. I’m glad our kids will be able to see the world and get to experience
amazing things but… i want them to have a normal life too. Today we were talking about an apartment we we’re really interested in
and i noticed he took longer to reply… when he came back he skyped me and told me this … ” we cant move in together if we don’t
get married” … at first it came to me as a shock and it terrified me insanely, and sure we talked about it and fantasized it and did the
stupid notebook thing where we drew hearts with our names in it and his last name together… we’re in love …its kinda what you expect.
And everyone dreams of the white picket fence with the matching house and the car, dog, kids, and love of your life to go with it but when
you have that option and you have to choose between the things you want or to do whats right…. your stumped. Currently I’m in that situation
where i want to do whats right but all i want to do is be with him. I have the choice to marry the one i love or to not …. or at least
not to right now. All my life i have been dreaming of this moment with the white dress and feeling like a princess and walking down the isle
and everything… and i have that choice! Or we could just set everything up in a silly old court room with a bunch of people who hate their
jobs and wish they were home instead of marrying two teenagers who don’t have anything and don’t know what their getting themselves
into but they say they love each other and they have stuck with each other for a while and have dealt with each other but haven’t been near or
seen each other in god knows how long. I honestly don’t know what to do. This has been on my mind for days and I’m trying to wrack everything
i can in my brain to find a way to move out there and still be financially stable and not have to get married and be happy all at the same time.
I’ve come to the conclusion simply as this…. were using candles at all times so we don’t have to pay electricity and were re using our water
over and over and over again but other than that i just guess it isn’t my time yet to go out there. Maybe i have more adventures i
have to experience on my own first before i go and marry someone i haven’t even lived with yet. Maybe i have to sign up for school or
join the peace core or stop global warming before i can finally be with him. I’m not sure how I’m going to survive tho even though i have survived
this long…i just don’t know. All I’m focused on right now is next weekend where Michigan will be on my mind and ill be with him for a little
while. This trip out of many will definitely go quick but …. I need this … we need this. Just somebody…please …. i need help. Can someone
help me?

Hey everyone! I know i always say ill write and always say that ill “fo-fill this task for my followers” bla bla bla…but i’m tired of promising you guys things and not following through but I definitely apologize for not writing for a while. Here let me update you on whats been happening… i moved from my moms house to my aunts house where i work in two daycare’s with great kids…. there are definitely some times where i want to rip their heads off but that’s what a kids job is right? I have finally figured out what i want to make a career in …and that’s teaching. I’m definitely not sure what grade yet but i know i’m starting out with baby steps and i want to become a pre school teacher. Pre school teachers out here only need about 12 college credits but college isn’t in my book for this semester. My mom refused to give me my transcripts and when i finally got a hold of them it was too late to sign up. Everyone is telling me i should at least try and see what i can get but …something in me is just broken. That’s all i feel now is broken. My life has changed so much for the good and the bad I just don’t feel like fighting anymore. I just want to feel whole again. On top of that i haven’t seen Dominic in almost a year. In September it’ll be one year and just… not seeing him for that long just … hurts. I’ve never hurt so much from missing someone in such a long time. The time we have been apart it really makes a person think though and its like what people say “distance makes the heart grow stronger or …fonder or…whatever it says. But hopefully ill be able to see him soon because we want to surprise his family and basically just show up as a surprise. We have planned trips before and either i don’t have the money or he has training or something comes up as the time progressed and the then…bam. Its gone in a flash. Sometimes when i sit here by myself as i am right now i just wish this was our house. I wish i was sitting at our kitchen table… in our kitchen…writing on my blog telling everyone how fantastic my life is and how happy i am. But sadly…life doesn’t work that way and i’m stuck here…alone…. In my aunts house… sitting at her kitchen table…talking about how much my life sucks. Sometimes when i’m home alone i just like to play pretend and just clean like if he was coming home or cook like he was coming home to me. It definitely makes the days go faster but it shadders my heart knowing that its not going to happen. I know on my last post it was almost a year ago when i wrote that and to this day i still feel the same way. He is everything to me. My rock, my hero….everything. And with him being in the military i definitely have… as one would say “grown” i guess. From the many nights of wishing i wasn’t alone to the many nights of falling asleep happy because he is in my life … i wouldn’t…i couldn’t change it for the world. Lately though things have gotten serious with us. We talk about moving and getting married and stuff but… no matter how sure i am i want to be with him …i’m absolutely terrified. Everybody says that being terrified about something is a good thing and that it i guess “isn’t real” if your not but moving up here to Paso Robles was …so scary and … look at me now. I know things will work out eventually because they always do but.. waiting is so hard. All my life i have waited for everything or worked my ass off to get it. Sometimes i wish it was just that easy but as i got older i realized that its more satisfying in the long run when you actually work on something yourself or work for something yourself and you feel how much it men’t to you in the first place. That’s how i feel about this relationship.Its definitely something we work on everyday and …that moment that we finally get to see each other for so long …after the long nights of crying and feeling alone and holding ourselves because the arms we were meant to have around each other …aren’t there. Their on the other side of the united states living their own life and doing their own thing…. but out of everything …you wont give up. I have talked to many people about the subject of “love” and… honestly… to me its never been so clear. No matter how many times i explain it…i cant believe its come so easy. If you love a person… you would give them your time but you also give them your space and …you guys are OK with that. Distance can be a bitch sometimes but… in the end… no matter how far you are when the time is right you two will be together again. You become one another’s best friend… making inside jokes and laughing at the stupid things they say. You get on their nerves and you will definitely will get on theirs because… that just how it is. Love isn’t a walk in the park. There is always going to be bumps and buses and scars and black eyes and punches in the gut from everything that will happen in your guises future but at the end of the day… you look at the person and you just … cant help but smile …because even if your life is complete shit… their the one person who can make you whole again and they know it. A lot of people really mistake this luxury and privilege as lust or just pure loneliness and they swear their in love and they swear they will be with that person for the rest of their life because their so amazing but… is that really true? Can you really live with that person for the rest of your life? Can you really handle that persons flaws and mistakes and fetishes and so much more? Can you handle them being gone for such a long time…and two weeks or a day doesn’t count. Would you be able to stay sane if there is a problem you cant fix? … So many people don’t know what true love is and i know i’m only 19 but… with everything i have been through and everything i feel toward this one person…. and one person only…. I feel he can be the one… my one and that ..i know i might sound insane and i know i’m “too young to know what true love is” but… no matter how much bull shit people say… they really don’t know and refuse to understand what i have to say. I went to go visit my family just this last weekend and my grandma comes up to me and sits me down. She told me that the one you love…and the one you marry…cant just be a lover…but your best friend too… they are your better half …they pick you up when your down…you help each other out in a pinch… you have wonderful kids … you live a wonderful life… but there are always downfalls to something so great…you will fight… you will get mad …you wont always be happy…you will have stress and you would want to pull your hair out so many times its …too much to count but…in the end and long run… in sickness and in health … they are their and they have your back….and that’s all that matters in the end. After she told me all that i thought about my relationship because i added some stuff into the mix and all we could do was smile because… for once in our lives about something serious as this we were finally on the same page and we knew what we were talking about. Feeling that way with my grandma was like one of those priceless moment commercials where they just have that one moment that brought them closer together and obviously it was priceless .But no matter what goes on in my life i just want to live it. I will roll with the punches and duck under branches Indiana Jones style if i have to but i will not let it get me down. Until my next entry though i must take this to a close. Until then… thanks for taking your time to read my splurge of words on a computer screen. On my end its muchly appreciated.

well hello everybody. I know it’s been a while sence I last posed something and let me explain. I’ve been busy with school and a bunch of things have been going on that I don’t really want to talk about … Esp in this state that I’m in right now … Witch is exactly why I’m writing right now. These feelings have to get out and I cant stand crying another tear without explaining anything to anybody and hiding how I feel from almost everyone I know. Well in the time that ive been gone I got a boyfriend … He’s amazing, funny charming sweet …. Attractive ! …. Everything I’ve ever hoped for in a person I found… But there is one flaw in this amazing relationship …. He’s a marine … And he leaves to japan on Friday … For 2 years … And I cant say good bye … He was supposed to be on leave next week so I could see him but .. He got denied of his leave … I don’t get to say good bye to my amazing boy… When I first saw him I would never … EVER think I would feel this way about him… To want to introduce him to my parents … To want to go places with him … To have a craving to lay next to him so badly it hurts … I honestly don’t get this feeling I have for him … I’ve never felt this way before … This ache … This craving .. This sadness and selfishness to take him home just for myself … But I know I cant do that. He has a duty that I cant be there for .. I cant be selfish but I have to be selfless .. No matter how many times I will cry at night … like tonight… Or how many times I feel this pain in my chest from not seeing his face or his voice … As I lay here for a what seems like the hundredth time .. Holding myself in my arms and curled up in a ball I don’t know what to do … For once I don’t know what to do … He means the world to me and he told me I was his too.. As I think about these memories with him these limited times with him that I would never change for the world … I would never think they would bring me so much pain … Every memory I’ve ever shared with him were amazing. Not one time did I ever frown but … Now thats all I can bring … Thats all I can manage to give to The world but I know for him I have to be supportive and strong … But right now … Everything seems hopeless … I find it funny though. Because when I told myself I give up on love .. On people … He comes around and flips everything upside down… I’m hooked… Addicted… I’m crazy for him… And I don’t know what to do… But I know one thing I’ll never do… I’ll never give up not just on him but on everything … I will not give up on this becAuse I see something with him… I see a future with him… I may not have been the smartest in the past but… I feel like I have something good.. Something right … Something real… As I’m laying here I keep thinking of this saying my grandma used to tell me … I’m sure you have herd it but… It goes like this “all good things come to those who wait” … Ill wait … For as long as it takes … I’ll wait for you

Hey there to all the people who are still following. I know it has been a while and a lot has gone on.
A year has passed and so many things have changed my hair, my style, my outlook on life, everything!
I’m so sorry i never kept my promise on writing everyday like i said i would but i’m sure i can makeup for it.
Lets see let me recap you on the year thats passed. I graduated high school with flying colors. The speech
went fine untill i missed up on one part ..”from diploma to diapers!” oh jeez. I got my first retail job working
at the local aeropostal and i must say… WORST JOB EVER! I thank the lord everyday that it was only seasonal.
I met a boy that stole my heart kept it for a phew months and then threw it out again. That was a brutal breakup.
I started cosmetology school in mid February and sence then i …have been having a crazy ride. Dealing from
transvestites to germaphobic old ladies cosmetology school sure hasn’t been easy. There is constant competition
and constant fear that things will go wrong. Im not sure if its the place for me but eventually i will find out.
I have also officially came out as a bi sexual and in the process have lost many friends because of it but got my first girlfriend…who a phew weeks later dumped me for someone else. If there are any lgbt people out there who feel lost or alone….i know how you feel. I moved out of my dads house and officially moved into my moms witch was probably
one of the best things ive ever done! But resently she got a boyfriend and is always home!!! Ive been single sence
February and even i know puppy love…. YUCK! Honestly ..my life is all over the place. I have many downfalls
to my life and many regrets but …thats ok. I learned that its ok to make mistakes and not be discouraged because
of them. I honestly have read your comments and weeded through some junk mail and just the phew people who
wrote directly to me all i can say is …thank you! Honestly im not sure what i would do if i never got any feed back
from some of the public. You know a great person told me… to always fallow my dreams and do not give up on
the things i love. I gave up on something that i loved and i realize now ridiculous i was to just let a dream go away…
so i promise i will write more. Because now i know that i have some people to write for. Thank you for helping me
realize that but untill my next post i will have to say good bye…. and welcome back into my life.
~anon

hey world!! you probably thought i fell off the planet!! Nope ive just been super busy and i didn’t keep on my word. Im sorry. A lot of things have been going on that i must talk about.
BUT first off i want to say thank you all for your nice comments i was looking through all my mail and i saw some of the sweetest things.Even for advise crazy enough! But thank you all
for sending me things. Anyway down to the needy greedy !!! Whats been going on!!! Last time i wrote was in october i think but i will give you a brief description on what happened during
this time. My mother left my dad and now is living by herself in a small run down condo but she makes it like home. My friend from last time …had a boy! Ive never met him but i know i will soon.
My dad… a bossy , controlling , drunk. I broke up with the guy i was with before and went with someone else. That didn’t last long. He didn’t feel right with me. After being with the person i loved
a lot but also controlled me and going with someone else just didn’t seem right to me. So i left and now im here. Even though maybe the love of my life replaced me with some other girl ive been moving on. But i know there is this one person i think i like a lot. We talk everyday and we see each other when we can but this time…i think i did something right. He’s always stuck around and we were together the summer of 8th grade to freshman year. Him being my first
kiss and practically my first boyfriend ever. I would of never thought that it would be how it is now. He drives me places and holds my hand and doesn’t boss me around. Very phew people know
him…i just happened to be one. He’s an amazing person and super funny. People see him as a total jerk though because of his past but…they don’t know him. At least not like i do. My questions are
always in my head wondering why he ever came back but somewhere inside me …Im glad he did. He makes me feel special and loved…something ive dreamed of for a long time. He’s also the first
person who hasn’t said he’s loved me yet…I LOVE that!!! He likes to take his time and thats what i found out about him. He may not know it but he does. Also for the busyness ive been preparing
for my graduation. This may be one of the scariest things of my life. This step in time …my time a year early….just wow! Its been very hard though. I had to double up but i could handle it!!
I also have to make a speech. I think i can manage but who knows! This reminded me of the other day… I was at my moms house and i hung out with a good friend because his girlfriend just broke up with him.
We walked in the hot heat just so we could get tea and get gages for my ear and we had a lot of fun but…he kissed my cheek…what are this?! But besides this life being so confusing and contradicting
im still living it . I promise i will write all about my summer almost everyday! but i must end this here. I shall tell you more tomorrow. Thank you all so much for support and love.
~anon

then greatings far away travilers! and I welcome you to my post!…ok i got over my urge to do that but now its
time to get to the dirty work… EXplaining myself once again. All i have to say is im sorry!!!! i didn’t realize that i
didn’t post anything and im like OH NO!! but anyway. Back on track and into the zen and time to write. Well i guess
i can start when it was my friends birthday..yeahh i will. The three things you can not do with a pregniate teen-ager
is 1) change plans 2)be busy and 3)even have an existence on this planet. She turned into a total witch ever
sence she got pregniate but what i think is sad is because im practially her only friend. I go to see her all the time.
I picked her up from school (on her birthday)gave her a holloween cookie cake with a cute spider on it. Bought(with
my own money witch is funny because im always broke….i was saving that for a rainy day) her a walking dead poster
(her favorite show) sweet tarts (because i love her) and a cute long sleaved shirt (because shes ALWAYS cold) and i
still get attacked from the witchieness because the next day me and her were going to hang out and ….yeahh a long story…ill explain later but at least she admited that i made her birthday so much better. Witch makes me happy.I mean
shes 7 months right now… shes almost due and shes scared and i totally understand. When she has the baby i told her to find someone to tell me so i can see her after. I mean dont i have the right to?? I stayed till the end when everyone
else left. Thats the simple thing to do. When shim (she doesn’t want and doesn’t know the sex) moves around she always
puts my hand on her stomach. Its weird feling a baby move in their moms. Down here we have babys by the dozen and funny thing is….thats my natural birth control. I promised myself that i would never be like those teen moms. I know a girl
(I went to a carnival with her last night) would leave her child with random strangers and walk away!! If that was my baby i would NEVER do that. I would only have only people i knew hold him or her. But me being me i dont want to have kids. Anyway off the topic of babys and teen mothers and just blehh. As you can tell i dont want chirldren…yeahh an interesting request but i dont. Crap i did it again. Ok on to reality. The one thing im not sure to be happy about but honestly i am is that i got to spend the night at my boyfriends house the other night. I never slept over at a boys house before but its crazy…I had more fun there then i do at some girl sleep overs i go to. This is so weird. All we did though was watch tv and talk! Tosh.O and P!nk to be exact but still. Live was great! And his mom made breakfast … apparently she never does that but she did with me !! Can you say privelaged!! Her breakfast is so good to be honest its better than my dads cooking!! (then again shes a girl soo) Im sorry my writing is very laid back this time but i wana know if you still like it. Tell me about it! This world and this god has privelaged me with so much and i thank him for everything! Have any questions and stuff im here (: and thanks for entering my life

im sory world i have let you down. Having dealing with a significant other, school, my sisters birthday and wondering what to get her, and time my balence in life has been sucking terrably. Because time seems to slip out of my hands latly and honestly thats never fun. But this world isn’t fun…usually. All most all the people im surrounded by are eather politicians, jesus freaks, or the light stoner but occionaly we get the heavy stoner and those arnt fun. It usually feels like im talking to a stick…a very large, tall, and breathing stick that no dog would ever want to chase after because it would taste like weed and what ever they were spiking together. Mabey some achole somewhere in there i dont know. All in all my life is boring. If im not talking about politics or jesus i have school or my pets or my family. This teenage life of mine has gotten stranger and stranger by the minute and all it needs is time for me to possably exploid from thinking about how boring my life is or how confusing it is. Why cant my life be a movie? Where the guy gets the girl and they ride off into a bmw beatle into the sunset with flames on the side or I would be walking out onto a foot ball fild on a Saturday afternoon after denention and having the sing “don’t you forget about me” playing on the background. Sadly my life isn’t like that. The romance scenes in my life are sneaking around in the back of cars making out and occasionally getting to watch the sunset and possably count some stars. I like to stop and think for a while but i hate how sometimes i dont get that. Well we all dont get everything right? Things that happen happen for a reason and sometimes its just not fair … i guess you can look at it that way. I will cut this one short and say one last thing. I got some comments the other day and they were sweet. Who ever wrote those thank you. Those make me want to go on with this and keep it going. Im glad yall like me… the only me<3

hello world and what a fine day it is today…. just kidding. But today was pretty fine. Actually It was way more than that. You remember me telling you that me and my ex were
“working things out” (or that at least was my excuse) we met up today for …about the third time this week. I cant help myself I want more!!! His irresistable looks
and his stupid charm always get to me. Hes lucky i love him so much to get all these mesquito bites for him. We sat out in the middle of a ditch (well sorta) and looked
at the stars and made out. Some life im living right? Mabey I gave in too soon because now im his … for the secound time. I mean being broken up for 5 months made me think
that i really want to be with him. This time i actually remember the time and the date (he usually remembers all that stuff) we got back together at 7:25 pm wednesday the 17th of
october (: . oh yes. But honestly i think this life high will come down eventually. Even though he makes me nervous when ever he says he would come or when we pick him up hes seen me
when im crying my eyes out and he knows literally everything about me. Some people would kill for what i have and honestly im glad i have it. Ive needed him so much and im glad hes back
with me. All these words are just coming into my fingers and its like they just… come natural. Im not sure if thats a good thing but at least life now is balenced. Mabey rubbing that boodah belly
at the beginning of the day really did give me luck after all. (btw i have an obsession of boodahs). Also i prayed to God for a sign and HONEY i think i got it! mabey he made him leave for a wake
up call. To give him a wakeup call or … mabey the both of us. This is going to be weird for me. I just got used to being single and now im back in a relashionship. Am i crazy?
The single life was pretty great. Not having to deal with anyone or not having to care about anyone but yourself. When im in a relashionship i only worry about the other person
and less of myself. But this time its going to change. But world just tell me…. did i forgive him too fast ? or is this all just a dream?

well having this for at least a day was a total sucess because well..im back. i havent forgotten about things and i just found out a bunch of things to write about so if i ramble please holler.
I will just come cleen. I am a huge reck, a messup and a confuser. When ever i talk about things or try to explain things it always leads to MORE confushion and well whats the fun in that?
I had a dream last night that I was crying over the bathroom toilet and my belly was really huge and a guy was yelling at me ( my ex) saying this was all my fault and that we should of never fixed
things in the first place. ok … i kinda went forward a little bit and now lets go back in time. About almost 5 months ago my ex left me. I can honestly say that he is the love of my life. Well… with
the little i have lived he is. When he left me i of corce was crushed and confused and all the above. Like any girl would right? Well he came back to me… and ive never felt more scared in my life.
Also i kinda liked being single. No one to constently talk to. No one to worry about but yourself. Its pretty nice and honestly i liked the attention. I got guys coming out of nowhere trying to talk to me
Stopping what they were doing to talk to me… i never had that before. If your a girl you know about this! Attention rules! But when i realized everything… i was still alone in the end. No one to
hold. No one to say they love me or to say that they actually care. It came to me plain and simple. They werent him. So when i finally came to my sences (and hearing endless complaints from
my friends about how unhappy i was) I just came to him crying. And i havent stopped thinking about him sence … But your probibly still wondering why im scared. Well when we were together
i felt …different. After a year it went down hill. He changed and i tried to keep things up. I tried to keep my life high when gravity decided to pull me down from cloud 9 and realize something…
Why?…. But eventually we all realize things. And we all live with our lives (Ok i have a random fact about myself: I am a Christian. So if you see me talking about the Lord God all mighty then you know why)
I think God gave me an honest blessing or mabey the devil gave me a present but who knows. Mabey this is just my life. Ok back to reality …focus. When i walked into my school and made my way to the bathroom to put on my makeup that i wasn’t able to put on earlier (because sleeping in is nice) i saw my friend Christle putting on her makeup. Us being girls we gave eachother tips on makeup. When i asked her about her lips
she brought me into her past. The only reason she changed was one person she met a while ago. His name was God. I remember that was me once. Alive and awake as she is. I honestly wish
i never changed and my hype for God never went out because now im at the bottom of the food chain again. What ever happened to me? But after today.. my outlook on her,her life, and my life changed compleatly around. i need to change. just…how?